Post Grad

Long day of work. Nine hours of making burgers. It wasn't that bad tho. Beats cramming my brain full of material only to get raped on an exam. That's what I don't understand about UofM. I feel like they TRY to make you fail. It's not really challenging. In a challenge at least you feel that you put up a good fight and really did well. Exams here are just like an unfair match. I prepare myself so much that I think its physically impossible to do anything else, and then get a 2/50 on an exam. I DON'T get it. But I'm not alone. So that makes me feel better.

After I left work I went home and showered. Tony and I went to Sonic for dinner. It was good, cept it was cold outside and I knew he really didn't want to eat there. We were gonna go see a movie but decided that there wasn't anything playing so we just hung out, drove around and eventually ended up at Meijer's and walked around there for a while.

Now I'm back home. Ryann spent the night with a friend so its pretty quite and lonely in my old room. Super weird too. I mean it doesn't look like my old room from high school any more. Once Ryann moved up here she redid it. But just the fact that it IS that room is weird. It hold so many memories. The smell just sends me back. Back to the nights when everyone would sleep in my beds practically on top of each other so no one would have to sleep in the crack. Back to the days when I said I'd never leave my room because I was super mad about something. Back to that warm August day... and finally back to the last night I slept there... Its so weird because I can picture everything. I can picture the posters that used to hang on the wall. I can hear the cd's of metal music that I insisted I loved just cause it was "cool" and I can smell that smell that just WAS my room.

I suppose I don't entirely miss it, because I'm at a great spot right now in my life, but just the fact that my life will NEVER be like that again scares me. Sometimes its really hard for me to realize that life is a one way road. I can't ever go back. Sometimes when I'm just sitting here thinking I really honestly feel like I'm going to be 14 again. I don't know why but that feeling will come over me from time to time. Here I am 21 years old and yet I still feel 15. I honestly don't know if that will ever go away. Maybe I'll feel 15 for the rest of my life.