Well here it is, the last day of 2008. I'm not sure whether I care if this year leaves. With other years, especially in high school, I was a little sad when years were over because it meant I was racing toward becoming and adult and ultimately it was because I knew come 2006 my life would HAVE to change whether I wanted it to or not. Now when years pass I'm almost excited because that means I'm SOO much closer to graduating college. College isn't like high school at all. I suppose that's an obvious statement. I really used to think that college would eventually start to resemble high school, with the friends, the nights out and just life in general, but it hasn't happened yet and I doubt that next year it will.
I'm old now. I have friends, but hardly ever see them because I'm too busy with homework and studying and just school ALWAYS. The only nights I really "hang out" is when Tony comes down and that's if we feel like going out because we are both so completely tired from the work week. Its hard.
I wonder once I graduate and get a real job if life will ever settle back down. I hope that the rest of it is nothing like this. If it is I'm sure to die young because of the extreme stress I endure every day. Its so hard being a student AND wanting to have a social life. Not that you CAN'T do it, you can, but you have to give up "me" time and sleep for the most part. Those are two things that I REALLY like so my social life isn't as big as others, and some people might think I'm lame because of that, but I don't really care.
That's another thing about college, I don't care anymore. I don't care if people think I'm lame because I spend my Friday nights catching up on sleep and all the reading I put off for the week. I get my shit done so that on the weekend I can just chill and have some down time. I don't care if someone doesn't like the clothes I'm wearing. I'm not here to impress anyone. All I honestly care about is my grades, and those are very hard to keep impressive. haha ;)
So good bye 2008. You've been a good year, but I'm happy to let you go.
Another boring day. I had to work for the majority of the day. When I finally left work I came home and showered. Tony and I hung out for the rest of the night. We didn't do anything special. Tried to figure out what we are gonna do for tomorrow night be we have no idea. I don't really care what we do I guess.
I'm sorta bored of Winter break. I'm ready to get back to school. Cept I don't really feel like going back because i HATE living with fucking olga. She's honestly like the worst person in the world to live with. She doesn't believe in cleaning up after herself and just leaves all of her shit where ever she feel like it. Its annoying as hell. Also she won't throw food away that is rotting. She keeps it till it smells HORRIBLE and then contemplates even more on weather to throw it away or not. She's so DUMB!
UG
Well I'm gonna go download music and hang out.
Later
I think I forgot to mention the fact that we got a wii for christmas. Its so fun and addicting I can't stop playing it.
I am sore from bowling and playing tennis. haha Its kinda lame that I'm sore from a video game but o well.
Not much of a day. Worked. Hung out. Came home
Jac came over and we played wii. Ryann had Heather over and we all went up to sonic for slushies even tho it was negative degrees out side.
Funny thing about living in Michigan, it doesn't matter the temperature, If I want a slushie I will get one. If I tired to explain this to a person who's used to a warm climate, they would be confused. Not a hard concept to grasp I don't think. If you want a taste in your mouth, it doesn't matter the weather?! haha
Well I'm off.
Long day of work. Nine hours of making burgers. It wasn't that bad tho. Beats cramming my brain full of material only to get raped on an exam. That's what I don't understand about UofM. I feel like they TRY to make you fail. It's not really challenging. In a challenge at least you feel that you put up a good fight and really did well. Exams here are just like an unfair match. I prepare myself so much that I think its physically impossible to do anything else, and then get a 2/50 on an exam. I DON'T get it. But I'm not alone. So that makes me feel better.
After I left work I went home and showered. Tony and I went to Sonic for dinner. It was good, cept it was cold outside and I knew he really didn't want to eat there. We were gonna go see a movie but decided that there wasn't anything playing so we just hung out, drove around and eventually ended up at Meijer's and walked around there for a while.
Now I'm back home. Ryann spent the night with a friend so its pretty quite and lonely in my old room. Super weird too. I mean it doesn't look like my old room from high school any more. Once Ryann moved up here she redid it. But just the fact that it IS that room is weird. It hold so many memories. The smell just sends me back. Back to the nights when everyone would sleep in my beds practically on top of each other so no one would have to sleep in the crack. Back to the days when I said I'd never leave my room because I was super mad about something. Back to that warm August day... and finally back to the last night I slept there... Its so weird because I can picture everything. I can picture the posters that used to hang on the wall. I can hear the cd's of metal music that I insisted I loved just cause it was "cool" and I can smell that smell that just WAS my room.
I suppose I don't entirely miss it, because I'm at a great spot right now in my life, but just the fact that my life will NEVER be like that again scares me. Sometimes its really hard for me to realize that life is a one way road. I can't ever go back. Sometimes when I'm just sitting here thinking I really honestly feel like I'm going to be 14 again. I don't know why but that feeling will come over me from time to time. Here I am 21 years old and yet I still feel 15. I honestly don't know if that will ever go away. Maybe I'll feel 15 for the rest of my life.
Its so nice not to have any responsibilites except McDonald's right now. Honestly it feels so nice to just sit around and do nothing.
So I have some exciting news. I PASSED EECS 401 AND 230. I also passed all the other classes I was taking but those are the two that I was most worried about. SICK! But whatever I'm totally over it because I never have to think about EECS 401 again and when I do at least my life won't be depending on it any more and I can go a head and look it up in some fricken book or something.
Went to Ann Arbor today with my sisters and Tony. Ryann's computer took a shit on her and she needed to get it fixed so we all went down together. It was cool because she got to see my apartment and such. :)
Tomorrow I have to work 10 to 7. Suck ass long day. It was only going to be from 12 to 5 but they called tonight and asked me to stay longer and come in early. Whatever tho. Its money and I do need some dollars for when I go back to school.
So i should go to bed because I have to get up sorta early tomorrow. Well earlier than I had to these past few days.
Later.
Worked from 12 to 4 today. Pretty big waste of my time. But o well.
After work Tony and I hung out. We just laid around. I love doing that with him tho. Its super nice. Tony bought me Gilmore Girls season's 2 and 3. I was so excited! Now all I need is 4 and 7 and I have the entire series. :) I can't wait.
We went up to the mall today just to shop around. It was weird being back at the mall in flint. I'm so used to the Briarwood Mall in Ann Arbor. But it was fun to be back at that mall.
We had dinner at my house(pizza) and that was about all we did.
Now I'm super sleepy and I have to work tomorrow. Super lame. But its only till 3. So that's exciting.
Later.
Yay! It's Christmas!! Merry Christmas!
I actually woke up pretty early this morning. Usually I get woken up on Christmas because I'm sleeping in too much. haha. We started opening gifts at around 8:30. I got a bunch of sweet stuff. My mom and dad got me some stuff for my kitchen, a new body pillow, some clothes, season 1 of Gilmore Girls and a coffee mug. My sister got me a picture frame. It was cool. Ryann and Allie opened their gifts from Tony and I last night. Al liked all her vitimn water and Ryann like the scarf I made her and the perfume. I got my mom the giraffe Pandora charm. She liked that. She was super suprised because my dad got her a charm. My mom and dad like never exchange gifts so it was really cute that he got that for her.
I got two new charms: a bird and an owl. I love them. SO cute. I thought I ruined my bracelet because i wore it in a hot tub. But its starting to look less tarnished. Thank God because I love that bracelet.
My aunt and uncle came over at around 5 and we had dinner. They got me some stuff for my kitchen as well. I'm keeping most of the stuff hidden once I get back to Ann Arbor so that it won't get ruined by olga. She doesn't take care of anything!
Over all today was a very nice day. I love my new camera and all the other things that I got. :)
I have to go back to work tomorrow. JOY! haha.
later.
Woke up at like 11 today and had to be to work at noon. It sucked because I had to rush to get ready, eat breakfast and all. Work was fun. It is sorta fun being back, but like everyone that was super fun this summer is gone. I mean there is still some people that have always been there(and probably will always be there), but for the most part the fun people get weeded out pretty fast.
After working I went home, took a shower, did my hair and got ready to go over Tony's house. He came and got me. We had dinner at his house. It was good cept I'm not a huge fan of stuffed cabbage. But there was lots of other yummy food. So I was fine. We then opened presents. His family got me some perfume, lip gloss, and 50 bucks. It was super nice. Everyone got sweet presents. It was a lot of fun. We watched House Bunny after. Hilarious! I laughed for like the entire movie. I've been laughing too much lately my voice is going away.
Well tomorrow is Christmas. I'm excited. It should be a lot of fun and I'm excited to hang out with my family for the day.
I'm going to go get some sleep. I'm tired.
Today was a very eventful day. This morning Ryann's friend Jordan came over. She's almost done with cosmotology school so we were all going to let her cut our hair. Allie and Ryann went first because they were getting died and cut. We all just hung out in the kitchen that had be transformed into a hair salon. haha.
Jordan cut my hair pretty sweet. Its layered all around and she gave me bangs. I didn't know how I'd like bangs but I really do like it. Its cute. :)
After she cut my hair and I showered and stuff, Tony came over. We exchanged our gifts to each other tonight so that my parents would be able to give him his gift from them. We got each other camereas. Mine's blue. I love it. He also got me some Michigan pj pants and a sweet cell phone case that is a croc. haha. I love him.
We went over Becca's for her get together party. It was fun. We all just sat around, watched TV and laughed. Then gossiped about who's pregnant and who's married. It was really nice to hang out with all of them. I haven't seen some of them since last summer so it was cool. Plus it was fun to laugh for like 2 hours straight. haha
Well now I'm sleepy and I have to work from 12 to 4 tomorrow. :( Then have a long day after that.
Another day of nothingness. It was pretty boring. I didn't have to work. Tony was at work. Ryann was hanging out with friends. So I just hung out with my mom all day. It was fun tho. We watched Lifetime movies and stuff. Pretty typical day.
I have to work on Christmas Eve. So I can't make it to my mom's side of Christmas because I need to go over Tony's house for his Christmas. He has to work Christmas Day so his family is doing Christmas a day early. I'm sad that he won't be able to be over my house for Christmas, but I understand that he has to work.
So yeah, that's what I have in store for me these next few days.
Better than just sitting around at my house and not getting out of my pjs. haha
I went back to McDonald's today to work. It was pretty boring. But at least I'm making some money. I have hardly any money any more. It sucks. I guess that's how life is tho. O well.
After work I went home and took a shower. I went over Tony's house and we just watched a movie and hung out for a while. He took me home and then Ryann and I hung out and watched TV.
Other than that I have done nothing. I think my grades should be up soon. I'm too scared to look at them!
Honestly what if I failed EECS401?! I'll die. And there's a possibility that I could have failed eecs 230 because that last exam was killer. But i don't know I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
Later.
I hung out with Tony all day today. Well after he got up and got ready and I finally got out of my pajamas. I've been so lazy these past few days, but it was nice to finally wear real clothes and leave the house.
We mostly just ran to a few stores and looked around. Nothing really to buy because Christmas is in 5 days and I have no money.
We went to McDonalds and they asked me if I wanted to work tomorrow from 10 to 2. I said sure. :-\ Whatever.
And now I'm here again. Just hanging out. Pretty bored. But it does beat school and living with olga. ;)
Well there was a snow day here in Swartz Creek. So my mom and little sister were home today. It was nice. It was GROSS outside so everyone just stayed in. I really enjoyed that. We just hung out and it was super nice. I like having my grandma home. I really miss her during the school year when she's in Florida. Some time I would love to go do to Florida and spend some time down there. I don't really love Florida, but it would be nice to go for a few days.
Ryann and I finished up the last season of Gilmore Girls today. I was super sad after watching the last episode. Its so so weird to me that there is no more. I've watched every single episode there is. It doesn't seem like there could have even been an end. It's over tho. So weird. I miss it already and I feel like those were real people and that a real place and all seven seasons really happened. Now I'm just going to start over with season one again and do it all again. Its taken me 3 years to watch the whole thing... those were a very very good three years. :)
Will write later.
Nothing too exciting today. Tony and I just hung out and stuff. We went shopping and just played around in our home town like in high school. I like going back and feeling young again. I love the feeling of just having complete freedom with him. Never feeling like I have a million responsibilities and billions of homework assignments to get done. I love just being a free spirit with him. Having our own thoughts and not worrying about how other view us.
I miss that. I miss not being critiqued about everything I do. I miss not having to constantly think about school and the rest of my life. I don't feel like growing up any more. I'm in a good place. I don't exactly have a "real" life because I'm in college, and I don't have the rules and regulations like I did in high school. I like this right now. I wish I could stay here forever. I know its impossible but I'm just now getting used to my life like this, and in a matter of a year its going to change. This time its not just going to be moving 40 minutes away and having harder classes. This time I have no idea how far away its going to be and I'm going to have BIG responsibilities and I'm going to be a real adult.
Very scary.
Today was fun. Ryann and I were home most of the day alone because school is still in session in Swartz Creek. We watched season seven of Gilmore Girls almost all day. SO nice.
Finally I got my lazy self out of bed and took a shower. My aunt and uncle came over and brought Ben. He's getting so big and he's really cute. He's talking quite a bit too. My grandma came home tonight. She brought her boyfriend. Yeah it was weird. I mean its my grandma. She never seemed like the person that would look for someone after my grandpa died. She always seemed so independent. But she seems extremely happy so I'm glad.
Other than that, today's been pretty chill. Tony was at work all day so I just hung out at home and stuff. It was nice.
Alright I'm quitting the whole "ink" blog deal. Its a lot of work and not entirely worth it. Until some blogging site come up with a decent way to incorporate a tablet pc into their entire PAGE I will not do it. Its a lot of work. First I have to write the entry(which I don't mind because i enjoy writing) and then i have to take an Image of that, then upload it on photobucket and THEN post that picture. Too much work for what I get out of it.
SO today, the 16th of December. It was my day of examinations. I am very happy to say that they are over and I'm free on break! :)
My day started off with me waking up and thinking that i had slept through my first exam. I didn't. Some how I reset my clock last night, not my alarm and when I looked at the clock this morning it said 11:43, my first exam was at 10:30. SO i freaked. Then i looked at my phone and it was only 8:36. haha.
EECS 230 exam from 10:30 to 12:30. It was decent. Pretty hard but I think I did alright.
MATH 417 exam 1:30 to 3:30. Not bad and I'm def. glad that I studied for it. :) Hopefully I'll get a decent grade in that class.
HIST 302 exam 4:00 to 6:00. OMG by this point in my day i was DONE. My hand hurt from writing so much. I was sleepy and really just wanted to go home and be done. But I had to make it through another 2 hours of constant writing because this was my blue book essay exam. SICK. Really it wasn't that bad because it was a very opinion based exam. Nice.
After that was all finished I walked to the bus stop in about 2 feet of snow that had fallen in the 2 hours that I was in that exam. I called my dad and he said he was already on his way down. I was happy because I wanted to go home!
The ride home was scary. We couldn't hardly see the entire time. Scary! I thought we we're going to go in a ditch or something. Scary!
Made it home and now I'm here with my family hanging out. Its nice to be here. I missed Bailey :) She's so cute. I love Christmas break because its exciting and everyone is home and its fun just to stay inside when its like -30 out and watch TV with my mom and sisters.
I think I'm going to head to bed because I'm exhausted!
:-)
I'm so glad today has come and almost went. I had a ton of homework due today and now its all off my plate and I can breathe. Very nice feeling. I do have a few more assignments till the end of the semester, but over all its almost over! :)
I'm bored right now. I should be doing my Linear Algebra homework. I should, but I'm not. I did like 5 problems and decided that I really didn't feel like doing that. Now I'm watching Grey's Anatomy and typing here, both of which are not any type of school work or studying. And the REALLY sad thing is that I'm STILL worrying all about all the stuff that I have to cram in my brain before all of my exams next week and the week after. I'm so nervous for them. Especially 401. I'm so scared, yet I'm sitting here not doing any work and worrying. I'm accomplishing nothing.
Ugg, I just need winter break. Then I will feel MUCH better. I will be able to come back to this place and learn again. I will be able to get my homework done in a timely manner, and I will have a MUCH easier course load next semester. For one, I only have 2 eecs classes and neither of those is EECS 401 which is the HARDEST eecs class there is(apparently). And I have a pass/fail history class, and an IOE class. Plus no classes on Friday. Oh my life will be a happy one next semester.
I've been thinking I might join Phi Sigma Rho next semester. It's the girls Engineering Soriety. It sounds like fun and it'd allow me to meet girls in engineering besides annoying Olga! :( *thumbs down*. So I've been thinking I might do that.
Well I don't have much else to write about. I really should get back to my homework and stop worrying. Everything will eventually work out. I'm sure it will.
Later
I cannot for the life of me get my homework done today. I don't know what's wrong. I can't concentrate and I have no desire to do any of my work. I have exams starting up next week and I can't study. This suck and it happens to me every semester. This is probably why I'm so bad at school. I can't stick it out till the end of the semester before I just can't do it any more. I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep trying and trying to get work done, but I just find my brain wandering and I'm not really accomplishing anything.
I got close to nothing done last night. Got home from class at around 6 and didn't do anything really and went to sleep at 2 ish. Got up this morning and haven't done much since. I did get my 6 page history paper done. I got most of my eecs451 homework done.... sorta and now I'm sitting here in the library trying to get my eecs230 lab report done. Hopefully it'll get done in an hourish so I can go get some dinner and get back to my appartment and do... more homework.
I think the reason I get so burnt out is because I have never been used to this amount of work. I mean in high school and freshman year and even last year I don't feel like I've ever had this much homework to get done. This year... its been the hardest in the world. Not only do i have 18 credits of impossible work, I also have to live with a psycho.
Last night she came back like sobbing about a bunch of shit and I was like HONESTLY!? your crying because of that stuff. My life is so much more stressful than her into bio and orgo lead lifestlye. I don't get why she's so bad at school. She does a lot of studying. Maybe that's why. I have never in my entire life met someoen who studies as much as she does. That could be the reson why she's failing. Whatever not my problem.
Well i'm gonna go back to trying to accomplish work. Will write tomorrow. At least tomorrow I can watch Greys! :)
hi,
i have a headache and i believe that i might be getting sick. not sure if its that or just the stress of the day.
i didn't do anything today really. i wrote my history paper and that was about it. should have gotten a lot more accomplished, but i just couldn't concentrate because of my headache. I still have it.
I should probably just go to bed.
I can't wait till christmas break. I can't wait to get away and not have so many attachments and responsibilities. hopefully i will be refreshed and ready to start a new semester. This one has been the semester from hell. SOO hard and in so many ways i've just given up. Pretty sad.
I'm going to sleep.
NIGHT
New task. Write every day for a month.
I'm hoping this personal assignment will help me think better and let some of my stress get out. I feel like I was a better person when I was writing so I think that is what I need to do. At least for this month.
It's December. I have 4 final exams coming up these next few weeks. I'm not really excited about that. I hate doing homework and studying and getting all stressed out for exams. It hurts me. And it makes me just feel like an idiot because I'm not smart enough. :-( I know I should just stay calm about all of this, so I feel like writing about how dumb/unprepared I am will allow me to not worry so much in my head because it will be out on paper I dunno?
I am sooooo done with living with my roommate. She's honestly the worst person to live with. I'm surprised I even lasted this long. I know I probably do things that bother her, but I think that NO ONE could live with her and ENJOY it. She's extremely messy. I don't think she's ever been taught to do any house work. Even though she says that she's done certain things before, I have to doubt every word she says. She's a slob. That's that.
Every day she insists on putting all of her shit in the living room/dining room and studying there. So I've pretty much retreated to my bedroom because the rest of our apartment is a trashed pig sty. Its gross. And since she's "studying" everywhere in this apartment I can't watch TV out there, and when Tony is here we have to hang out in my room because she's taking up the rest of this place. Its really annoying.
And on top of that she's ALWAYS eating my food. Tony and I will go out and buy some stuff for US for dinner. We will come in with a grocery bag and she will just go through it like I bought all that food for her. HONESTLY!? I just give her dirty looks now and she doesn't really do it as much. But she still expects Tony and I to feed her. If we are making dinner she will ask what we are having and pretty much sit down at the table waiting for us to serve her(that is if we can even sit at the table since her shit is always all over it). Its just really annoying.
I haven't got the guts to tell her i am NOT living with her next year. She thinks that we are gonna live together. She hasn't really said anything lately so I'm sorta just hoping that she will come to me and say she doesn't wanna live with me either. *Crossing my fingers for that* But I know I need to tell her so that she can find a place for her dirty self next year. I feel bad for her next roommate. :( poor person.
I am gonna get a one bedroom next year. If Tony gets the job for Detroit EMS then he will probably move down here with me. Other wise he will live with me part time and we will be able to just be SOOOOOO happy together. I cannot wait for next year.
I am nervous for summer tho. I'm scared that I won't be able to get an internship or anything. I guess I could just stay in Ann Arbor and take summer classes. I might have to to graduate on time. We'll see.
I need to go do a ton of homework and studying. I'm starting early this semester :)
Later Friend.
