Well here it is, the last day of 2008. I'm not sure whether I care if this year leaves. With other years, especially in high school, I was a little sad when years were over because it meant I was racing toward becoming and adult and ultimately it was because I knew come 2006 my life would HAVE to change whether I wanted it to or not. Now when years pass I'm almost excited because that means I'm SOO much closer to graduating college. College isn't like high school at all. I suppose that's an obvious statement. I really used to think that college would eventually start to resemble high school, with the friends, the nights out and just life in general, but it hasn't happened yet and I doubt that next year it will.
I'm old now. I have friends, but hardly ever see them because I'm too busy with homework and studying and just school ALWAYS. The only nights I really "hang out" is when Tony comes down and that's if we feel like going out because we are both so completely tired from the work week. Its hard.
I wonder once I graduate and get a real job if life will ever settle back down. I hope that the rest of it is nothing like this. If it is I'm sure to die young because of the extreme stress I endure every day. Its so hard being a student AND wanting to have a social life. Not that you CAN'T do it, you can, but you have to give up "me" time and sleep for the most part. Those are two things that I REALLY like so my social life isn't as big as others, and some people might think I'm lame because of that, but I don't really care.
That's another thing about college, I don't care anymore. I don't care if people think I'm lame because I spend my Friday nights catching up on sleep and all the reading I put off for the week. I get my shit done so that on the weekend I can just chill and have some down time. I don't care if someone doesn't like the clothes I'm wearing. I'm not here to impress anyone. All I honestly care about is my grades, and those are very hard to keep impressive. haha ;)
So good bye 2008. You've been a good year, but I'm happy to let you go.
Another boring day. I had to work for the majority of the day. When I finally left work I came home and showered. Tony and I hung out for the rest of the night. We didn't do anything special. Tried to figure out what we are gonna do for tomorrow night be we have no idea. I don't really care what we do I guess.
I'm sorta bored of Winter break. I'm ready to get back to school. Cept I don't really feel like going back because i HATE living with fucking olga. She's honestly like the worst person in the world to live with. She doesn't believe in cleaning up after herself and just leaves all of her shit where ever she feel like it. Its annoying as hell. Also she won't throw food away that is rotting. She keeps it till it smells HORRIBLE and then contemplates even more on weather to throw it away or not. She's so DUMB!
UG
Well I'm gonna go download music and hang out.
Later
I think I forgot to mention the fact that we got a wii for christmas. Its so fun and addicting I can't stop playing it.
I am sore from bowling and playing tennis. haha Its kinda lame that I'm sore from a video game but o well.
Not much of a day. Worked. Hung out. Came home
Jac came over and we played wii. Ryann had Heather over and we all went up to sonic for slushies even tho it was negative degrees out side.
Funny thing about living in Michigan, it doesn't matter the temperature, If I want a slushie I will get one. If I tired to explain this to a person who's used to a warm climate, they would be confused. Not a hard concept to grasp I don't think. If you want a taste in your mouth, it doesn't matter the weather?! haha
Well I'm off.
Long day of work. Nine hours of making burgers. It wasn't that bad tho. Beats cramming my brain full of material only to get raped on an exam. That's what I don't understand about UofM. I feel like they TRY to make you fail. It's not really challenging. In a challenge at least you feel that you put up a good fight and really did well. Exams here are just like an unfair match. I prepare myself so much that I think its physically impossible to do anything else, and then get a 2/50 on an exam. I DON'T get it. But I'm not alone. So that makes me feel better.
After I left work I went home and showered. Tony and I went to Sonic for dinner. It was good, cept it was cold outside and I knew he really didn't want to eat there. We were gonna go see a movie but decided that there wasn't anything playing so we just hung out, drove around and eventually ended up at Meijer's and walked around there for a while.
Now I'm back home. Ryann spent the night with a friend so its pretty quite and lonely in my old room. Super weird too. I mean it doesn't look like my old room from high school any more. Once Ryann moved up here she redid it. But just the fact that it IS that room is weird. It hold so many memories. The smell just sends me back. Back to the nights when everyone would sleep in my beds practically on top of each other so no one would have to sleep in the crack. Back to the days when I said I'd never leave my room because I was super mad about something. Back to that warm August day... and finally back to the last night I slept there... Its so weird because I can picture everything. I can picture the posters that used to hang on the wall. I can hear the cd's of metal music that I insisted I loved just cause it was "cool" and I can smell that smell that just WAS my room.
I suppose I don't entirely miss it, because I'm at a great spot right now in my life, but just the fact that my life will NEVER be like that again scares me. Sometimes its really hard for me to realize that life is a one way road. I can't ever go back. Sometimes when I'm just sitting here thinking I really honestly feel like I'm going to be 14 again. I don't know why but that feeling will come over me from time to time. Here I am 21 years old and yet I still feel 15. I honestly don't know if that will ever go away. Maybe I'll feel 15 for the rest of my life.
Its so nice not to have any responsibilites except McDonald's right now. Honestly it feels so nice to just sit around and do nothing.
So I have some exciting news. I PASSED EECS 401 AND 230. I also passed all the other classes I was taking but those are the two that I was most worried about. SICK! But whatever I'm totally over it because I never have to think about EECS 401 again and when I do at least my life won't be depending on it any more and I can go a head and look it up in some fricken book or something.
Went to Ann Arbor today with my sisters and Tony. Ryann's computer took a shit on her and she needed to get it fixed so we all went down together. It was cool because she got to see my apartment and such. :)
Tomorrow I have to work 10 to 7. Suck ass long day. It was only going to be from 12 to 5 but they called tonight and asked me to stay longer and come in early. Whatever tho. Its money and I do need some dollars for when I go back to school.
So i should go to bed because I have to get up sorta early tomorrow. Well earlier than I had to these past few days.
Later.
Worked from 12 to 4 today. Pretty big waste of my time. But o well.
After work Tony and I hung out. We just laid around. I love doing that with him tho. Its super nice. Tony bought me Gilmore Girls season's 2 and 3. I was so excited! Now all I need is 4 and 7 and I have the entire series. :) I can't wait.
We went up to the mall today just to shop around. It was weird being back at the mall in flint. I'm so used to the Briarwood Mall in Ann Arbor. But it was fun to be back at that mall.
We had dinner at my house(pizza) and that was about all we did.
Now I'm super sleepy and I have to work tomorrow. Super lame. But its only till 3. So that's exciting.
Later.
Yay! It's Christmas!! Merry Christmas!
I actually woke up pretty early this morning. Usually I get woken up on Christmas because I'm sleeping in too much. haha. We started opening gifts at around 8:30. I got a bunch of sweet stuff. My mom and dad got me some stuff for my kitchen, a new body pillow, some clothes, season 1 of Gilmore Girls and a coffee mug. My sister got me a picture frame. It was cool. Ryann and Allie opened their gifts from Tony and I last night. Al liked all her vitimn water and Ryann like the scarf I made her and the perfume. I got my mom the giraffe Pandora charm. She liked that. She was super suprised because my dad got her a charm. My mom and dad like never exchange gifts so it was really cute that he got that for her.
I got two new charms: a bird and an owl. I love them. SO cute. I thought I ruined my bracelet because i wore it in a hot tub. But its starting to look less tarnished. Thank God because I love that bracelet.
My aunt and uncle came over at around 5 and we had dinner. They got me some stuff for my kitchen as well. I'm keeping most of the stuff hidden once I get back to Ann Arbor so that it won't get ruined by olga. She doesn't take care of anything!
Over all today was a very nice day. I love my new camera and all the other things that I got. :)
I have to go back to work tomorrow. JOY! haha.
later.
Woke up at like 11 today and had to be to work at noon. It sucked because I had to rush to get ready, eat breakfast and all. Work was fun. It is sorta fun being back, but like everyone that was super fun this summer is gone. I mean there is still some people that have always been there(and probably will always be there), but for the most part the fun people get weeded out pretty fast.
After working I went home, took a shower, did my hair and got ready to go over Tony's house. He came and got me. We had dinner at his house. It was good cept I'm not a huge fan of stuffed cabbage. But there was lots of other yummy food. So I was fine. We then opened presents. His family got me some perfume, lip gloss, and 50 bucks. It was super nice. Everyone got sweet presents. It was a lot of fun. We watched House Bunny after. Hilarious! I laughed for like the entire movie. I've been laughing too much lately my voice is going away.
Well tomorrow is Christmas. I'm excited. It should be a lot of fun and I'm excited to hang out with my family for the day.
I'm going to go get some sleep. I'm tired.
Today was a very eventful day. This morning Ryann's friend Jordan came over. She's almost done with cosmotology school so we were all going to let her cut our hair. Allie and Ryann went first because they were getting died and cut. We all just hung out in the kitchen that had be transformed into a hair salon. haha.
Jordan cut my hair pretty sweet. Its layered all around and she gave me bangs. I didn't know how I'd like bangs but I really do like it. Its cute. :)
After she cut my hair and I showered and stuff, Tony came over. We exchanged our gifts to each other tonight so that my parents would be able to give him his gift from them. We got each other camereas. Mine's blue. I love it. He also got me some Michigan pj pants and a sweet cell phone case that is a croc. haha. I love him.
We went over Becca's for her get together party. It was fun. We all just sat around, watched TV and laughed. Then gossiped about who's pregnant and who's married. It was really nice to hang out with all of them. I haven't seen some of them since last summer so it was cool. Plus it was fun to laugh for like 2 hours straight. haha
Well now I'm sleepy and I have to work from 12 to 4 tomorrow. :( Then have a long day after that.
Another day of nothingness. It was pretty boring. I didn't have to work. Tony was at work. Ryann was hanging out with friends. So I just hung out with my mom all day. It was fun tho. We watched Lifetime movies and stuff. Pretty typical day.
I have to work on Christmas Eve. So I can't make it to my mom's side of Christmas because I need to go over Tony's house for his Christmas. He has to work Christmas Day so his family is doing Christmas a day early. I'm sad that he won't be able to be over my house for Christmas, but I understand that he has to work.
So yeah, that's what I have in store for me these next few days.
Better than just sitting around at my house and not getting out of my pjs. haha
I went back to McDonald's today to work. It was pretty boring. But at least I'm making some money. I have hardly any money any more. It sucks. I guess that's how life is tho. O well.
After work I went home and took a shower. I went over Tony's house and we just watched a movie and hung out for a while. He took me home and then Ryann and I hung out and watched TV.
Other than that I have done nothing. I think my grades should be up soon. I'm too scared to look at them!
Honestly what if I failed EECS401?! I'll die. And there's a possibility that I could have failed eecs 230 because that last exam was killer. But i don't know I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
Later.
I hung out with Tony all day today. Well after he got up and got ready and I finally got out of my pajamas. I've been so lazy these past few days, but it was nice to finally wear real clothes and leave the house.
We mostly just ran to a few stores and looked around. Nothing really to buy because Christmas is in 5 days and I have no money.
We went to McDonalds and they asked me if I wanted to work tomorrow from 10 to 2. I said sure. :-\ Whatever.
And now I'm here again. Just hanging out. Pretty bored. But it does beat school and living with olga. ;)
Well there was a snow day here in Swartz Creek. So my mom and little sister were home today. It was nice. It was GROSS outside so everyone just stayed in. I really enjoyed that. We just hung out and it was super nice. I like having my grandma home. I really miss her during the school year when she's in Florida. Some time I would love to go do to Florida and spend some time down there. I don't really love Florida, but it would be nice to go for a few days.
Ryann and I finished up the last season of Gilmore Girls today. I was super sad after watching the last episode. Its so so weird to me that there is no more. I've watched every single episode there is. It doesn't seem like there could have even been an end. It's over tho. So weird. I miss it already and I feel like those were real people and that a real place and all seven seasons really happened. Now I'm just going to start over with season one again and do it all again. Its taken me 3 years to watch the whole thing... those were a very very good three years. :)
Will write later.
Nothing too exciting today. Tony and I just hung out and stuff. We went shopping and just played around in our home town like in high school. I like going back and feeling young again. I love the feeling of just having complete freedom with him. Never feeling like I have a million responsibilities and billions of homework assignments to get done. I love just being a free spirit with him. Having our own thoughts and not worrying about how other view us.
I miss that. I miss not being critiqued about everything I do. I miss not having to constantly think about school and the rest of my life. I don't feel like growing up any more. I'm in a good place. I don't exactly have a "real" life because I'm in college, and I don't have the rules and regulations like I did in high school. I like this right now. I wish I could stay here forever. I know its impossible but I'm just now getting used to my life like this, and in a matter of a year its going to change. This time its not just going to be moving 40 minutes away and having harder classes. This time I have no idea how far away its going to be and I'm going to have BIG responsibilities and I'm going to be a real adult.
Very scary.
Today was fun. Ryann and I were home most of the day alone because school is still in session in Swartz Creek. We watched season seven of Gilmore Girls almost all day. SO nice.
Finally I got my lazy self out of bed and took a shower. My aunt and uncle came over and brought Ben. He's getting so big and he's really cute. He's talking quite a bit too. My grandma came home tonight. She brought her boyfriend. Yeah it was weird. I mean its my grandma. She never seemed like the person that would look for someone after my grandpa died. She always seemed so independent. But she seems extremely happy so I'm glad.
Other than that, today's been pretty chill. Tony was at work all day so I just hung out at home and stuff. It was nice.
Alright I'm quitting the whole "ink" blog deal. Its a lot of work and not entirely worth it. Until some blogging site come up with a decent way to incorporate a tablet pc into their entire PAGE I will not do it. Its a lot of work. First I have to write the entry(which I don't mind because i enjoy writing) and then i have to take an Image of that, then upload it on photobucket and THEN post that picture. Too much work for what I get out of it.
SO today, the 16th of December. It was my day of examinations. I am very happy to say that they are over and I'm free on break! :)
My day started off with me waking up and thinking that i had slept through my first exam. I didn't. Some how I reset my clock last night, not my alarm and when I looked at the clock this morning it said 11:43, my first exam was at 10:30. SO i freaked. Then i looked at my phone and it was only 8:36. haha.
EECS 230 exam from 10:30 to 12:30. It was decent. Pretty hard but I think I did alright.
MATH 417 exam 1:30 to 3:30. Not bad and I'm def. glad that I studied for it. :) Hopefully I'll get a decent grade in that class.
HIST 302 exam 4:00 to 6:00. OMG by this point in my day i was DONE. My hand hurt from writing so much. I was sleepy and really just wanted to go home and be done. But I had to make it through another 2 hours of constant writing because this was my blue book essay exam. SICK. Really it wasn't that bad because it was a very opinion based exam. Nice.
After that was all finished I walked to the bus stop in about 2 feet of snow that had fallen in the 2 hours that I was in that exam. I called my dad and he said he was already on his way down. I was happy because I wanted to go home!
The ride home was scary. We couldn't hardly see the entire time. Scary! I thought we we're going to go in a ditch or something. Scary!
Made it home and now I'm here with my family hanging out. Its nice to be here. I missed Bailey :) She's so cute. I love Christmas break because its exciting and everyone is home and its fun just to stay inside when its like -30 out and watch TV with my mom and sisters.
I think I'm going to head to bed because I'm exhausted!
:-)
I'm so glad today has come and almost went. I had a ton of homework due today and now its all off my plate and I can breathe. Very nice feeling. I do have a few more assignments till the end of the semester, but over all its almost over! :)
I'm bored right now. I should be doing my Linear Algebra homework. I should, but I'm not. I did like 5 problems and decided that I really didn't feel like doing that. Now I'm watching Grey's Anatomy and typing here, both of which are not any type of school work or studying. And the REALLY sad thing is that I'm STILL worrying all about all the stuff that I have to cram in my brain before all of my exams next week and the week after. I'm so nervous for them. Especially 401. I'm so scared, yet I'm sitting here not doing any work and worrying. I'm accomplishing nothing.
Ugg, I just need winter break. Then I will feel MUCH better. I will be able to come back to this place and learn again. I will be able to get my homework done in a timely manner, and I will have a MUCH easier course load next semester. For one, I only have 2 eecs classes and neither of those is EECS 401 which is the HARDEST eecs class there is(apparently). And I have a pass/fail history class, and an IOE class. Plus no classes on Friday. Oh my life will be a happy one next semester.
I've been thinking I might join Phi Sigma Rho next semester. It's the girls Engineering Soriety. It sounds like fun and it'd allow me to meet girls in engineering besides annoying Olga! :( *thumbs down*. So I've been thinking I might do that.
Well I don't have much else to write about. I really should get back to my homework and stop worrying. Everything will eventually work out. I'm sure it will.
Later
I cannot for the life of me get my homework done today. I don't know what's wrong. I can't concentrate and I have no desire to do any of my work. I have exams starting up next week and I can't study. This suck and it happens to me every semester. This is probably why I'm so bad at school. I can't stick it out till the end of the semester before I just can't do it any more. I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep trying and trying to get work done, but I just find my brain wandering and I'm not really accomplishing anything.
I got close to nothing done last night. Got home from class at around 6 and didn't do anything really and went to sleep at 2 ish. Got up this morning and haven't done much since. I did get my 6 page history paper done. I got most of my eecs451 homework done.... sorta and now I'm sitting here in the library trying to get my eecs230 lab report done. Hopefully it'll get done in an hourish so I can go get some dinner and get back to my appartment and do... more homework.
I think the reason I get so burnt out is because I have never been used to this amount of work. I mean in high school and freshman year and even last year I don't feel like I've ever had this much homework to get done. This year... its been the hardest in the world. Not only do i have 18 credits of impossible work, I also have to live with a psycho.
Last night she came back like sobbing about a bunch of shit and I was like HONESTLY!? your crying because of that stuff. My life is so much more stressful than her into bio and orgo lead lifestlye. I don't get why she's so bad at school. She does a lot of studying. Maybe that's why. I have never in my entire life met someoen who studies as much as she does. That could be the reson why she's failing. Whatever not my problem.
Well i'm gonna go back to trying to accomplish work. Will write tomorrow. At least tomorrow I can watch Greys! :)
hi,
i have a headache and i believe that i might be getting sick. not sure if its that or just the stress of the day.
i didn't do anything today really. i wrote my history paper and that was about it. should have gotten a lot more accomplished, but i just couldn't concentrate because of my headache. I still have it.
I should probably just go to bed.
I can't wait till christmas break. I can't wait to get away and not have so many attachments and responsibilities. hopefully i will be refreshed and ready to start a new semester. This one has been the semester from hell. SOO hard and in so many ways i've just given up. Pretty sad.
I'm going to sleep.
NIGHT
New task. Write every day for a month.
I'm hoping this personal assignment will help me think better and let some of my stress get out. I feel like I was a better person when I was writing so I think that is what I need to do. At least for this month.
It's December. I have 4 final exams coming up these next few weeks. I'm not really excited about that. I hate doing homework and studying and getting all stressed out for exams. It hurts me. And it makes me just feel like an idiot because I'm not smart enough. :-( I know I should just stay calm about all of this, so I feel like writing about how dumb/unprepared I am will allow me to not worry so much in my head because it will be out on paper I dunno?
I am sooooo done with living with my roommate. She's honestly the worst person to live with. I'm surprised I even lasted this long. I know I probably do things that bother her, but I think that NO ONE could live with her and ENJOY it. She's extremely messy. I don't think she's ever been taught to do any house work. Even though she says that she's done certain things before, I have to doubt every word she says. She's a slob. That's that.
Every day she insists on putting all of her shit in the living room/dining room and studying there. So I've pretty much retreated to my bedroom because the rest of our apartment is a trashed pig sty. Its gross. And since she's "studying" everywhere in this apartment I can't watch TV out there, and when Tony is here we have to hang out in my room because she's taking up the rest of this place. Its really annoying.
And on top of that she's ALWAYS eating my food. Tony and I will go out and buy some stuff for US for dinner. We will come in with a grocery bag and she will just go through it like I bought all that food for her. HONESTLY!? I just give her dirty looks now and she doesn't really do it as much. But she still expects Tony and I to feed her. If we are making dinner she will ask what we are having and pretty much sit down at the table waiting for us to serve her(that is if we can even sit at the table since her shit is always all over it). Its just really annoying.
I haven't got the guts to tell her i am NOT living with her next year. She thinks that we are gonna live together. She hasn't really said anything lately so I'm sorta just hoping that she will come to me and say she doesn't wanna live with me either. *Crossing my fingers for that* But I know I need to tell her so that she can find a place for her dirty self next year. I feel bad for her next roommate. :( poor person.
I am gonna get a one bedroom next year. If Tony gets the job for Detroit EMS then he will probably move down here with me. Other wise he will live with me part time and we will be able to just be SOOOOOO happy together. I cannot wait for next year.
I am nervous for summer tho. I'm scared that I won't be able to get an internship or anything. I guess I could just stay in Ann Arbor and take summer classes. I might have to to graduate on time. We'll see.
I need to go do a ton of homework and studying. I'm starting early this semester :)
Later Friend.
I miss having a lot of time for myself. I miss being able to do whatever I want and not worry about getting all my school work done or my GPA. Its sad. I really miss all of that. But I know I cannot go back to that life. This is my life now. My life of the University of Michigan. My life of long nights of homework and lonely weeks of my room, my desk and my brain. I am sick of racing for the right answer and not understand the process. I'm so sick of cramming for weeks for an exam only to get the class average of 10/30. I am sad that I'm not above average any more. I am just the same as everyone else. We are all smart, but not I'm not very smart compared to them. I'm just average(as my grades reflect).
I just can't wait for the day when I can feel above average again. I feel like the next time that will happen is when I get a decent job. But at that job I will probably still feel below average and feel stupid. So I believe that the next time I will feel above average and smart is when/if I attend my 5 year high school reunion. I will be able to tell everyone I have made it. I am an electrical engineer and I am smart and above the average stupid degrees they got. I'm an engineer.
But what if that doesn't happen. If that doesn't happen... well I'm just not going to think about that. It will happen... I will get a job. And I will be an Electrical Engineer(whatever that is) haha.
I'm still thinking about Wednesday night. Seeing Martin in that doorway. Does he have it better than me? Is he happy? I'm stressed. I'm confused about my future. I don't know what's going to happen in a year. He does. He knows that life is just like it's always been and why would he want to change it. Its easy he can go out on Wednesday nights and have a good time with his friends. Even tho people look at this group of people he surrounds himself with and thinks down on them, they are still happy. He doesn't care. He's happy. He's not stressed...
Yet I have to keep telling myself that my life will (someday) be happy, carefree, and better than his. I will be a better person and I will have the life I want right now. My life will be worth it and so much more appreciated. I have worked so much for this life and when I get it, I think I will appreciate it more.
I just have to keep telling myself this. I really do.
I just miss being young, and full of life and curiosity. I miss not having to worry about every aspect of my life. Money, bills, school, friends, family, life in general. I don't think I ever worried about that stuff when I was younger. I really don't. And I don't know when it started to happen. When did i start to worry about all this stuff? I don't know I can remember not worrying. Ugg.. I just have to keep my head above the surface. I really do.
Keep kicking....
Hi, So life has been.
I'm sick of schooling and so ready to move on and get a job and move. I'm done staying up late and doing homework and getting my ass kicked by the electrical engineering department at the University of Michigan. It makes me feel useless...
Tony asked me to marry him on November 1st 2008. It was sweet, we were in Borders after a whole day of him dragging me everywhere and then he just asked me there. It was super sweet and I'm SOOOO happy and excited for getting married and pretty much just spending the rest of my life with him. Honestly. He's perfect and I have known since 8th grade that the was going to be the boy that I will marry :-)
So right now I'm in sweet old Swartz Creek for Thanksgiving with the Fam and stuff. Last night Tony and I went out with Becca, Mal, Cade and some other people to the Loft in Flint. It was shaddy but where in Flint isn't shaddy. haha. So it was whatever. Sorta fun. Just as I was feeling good and happy and thinking "this place is alright" someone walks in.... Martin Wenn. I haven't seen him since McDonalds back in my Senior Year of High School. I really almost puked. Honestly I can't even explain to you how I felt. I was sorta excited but more mortified that our paths had crossed again. Last I knew he was in some other state working for the Carnival. (or in Jail). And there he was... standing in the doorway look at me. I don't think he really made eye contact with me because he said nothing and walked away. I went and found Tony and let him know he was there. Martin was standing behind me at this time ordering a drink. I heard his voice again... it was so weird I can't even explain it to you.
Martin was a defining point in my life. I felt like I grew up really fast when I met him. He was the real deal. Real life bad boy. Never in my life had I met someone who was like him. Bad and didn't care. And he was in love with me. It was very flattering and I wanted to make sure that I hooked him in for a while so that I could come to work everyday and be flattered. It was really a bad idea on my part because he soon became very stalkerish and weird. And then I left for college and figured I would never see him again.
I really had forgotten about him until last night happened. He walked in that room and high school flooded back to me. I felt young and weird. Very strange. I almost puked. I'm so glad he didn't notice me. I don't need that in my life. I don't know how I would have even reacted to him had he said something to me. I probably would have been an idiot. I'm so lame. But who cares how i would have acted in front of him. Honestly he's a low life loser. He looked SOOOO bad. It was weird because I'm sure he looked the same when I had a crush on him.. i'm sure he was the same person then as he is now, but... he looked SOOO horrible.
I guess it just made me realize a lot. I'm a whole different class as him. I'm above him... as bad as that sounds. I really am. I go to a very good engineering school, I'm pretty smart, I have a good future, I am engaged and very content with my "good girl" life. And then there's Martin, he has a very lengthly criminal record, he does drugs(I'm guessing), he looks like hell, and has no future a head of him and probably a nice set of STD's. Yet for some reason... there we were both in that club room that same night. Who would have thought.
I just feel so weird and old and very very excited about MY life and MY future. I guess I needed that. It made me want school and want to be better. It made me realize that my future is bright if I just keep pushing through this last year. Just a bit longer and I will be an electrical engineer. I will be the wife of Anthony William Simpson and I will be successful.
I needed that.
Yes, it has been almost 2 months since I have updated you with the happenings of my so called life. School has been back in session for almost a month. But lets start at the beginning.
August was a depressing month. Major Event: Tony and I broke up. Major Event 2: Tony asked me out. So I guess that it had been going on for a while. We were not getting along and I just felt bad about our relationship in general. It was scary and I didn't really want to do it anymore so I told him that. And we broke up. I was sooo messed up for that weekish. I honestly didn't feel like myself and had no idea what to do. I felt like I had no friends, I felt like I was lost, I felt like I was just going to give up on life and die. We talked and realized that breaking up was the last thing that either of us wanted. He asked me if I'd date him again and of course I said yes because I missed him more than I have ever missed him in my life. Even more than I missed him when I first started college.
Every since then we have been fine and I can currently say that our relationship is better now than it has been in years. :) And I'm SUPER happy about that. I love him a lot. And really I cannot wait to marry him. Like for real. I realize I have to wait till I graduate from college because my parents would like die if i got married now. But whatever, I want to... cept I don't want them to be mad at me. So many people have gotten married... and I am so envious of them. SOON tho, i keep telling myself SOON. And plus what's being married going to change things. I mean Tony and I wouldn't see each other any more than we do now with him working in Flint and me living down here in Ann Arbor. So I guess I'm fine waiting. Plus School and being Married might stress me out a lot.
I got the keys to my apartment here in Ann Arbor on August 18th. Tony and I came down and moved some stuff in. It was fun. Very nice to get back to A2 and all. My apartment is sweet. I have my own room and its so nice. Olga and I are going to have an awesome year.. and so far its been pretty cool.
I moved permanently to Ann Arbor August 31st. It was the first year Tony wasn't able to come help me move in. Very weird feeling and I missed him a lot. The first few weeks of us seeing each other once a week were hard and stressful. But now that school has picked up and we've gotten into a pattern things are working wonderfully.
gEECS has been hard and a big part of my life these past few weeks. The Career Fair and the Recruitment Dinner went nicely tho. Got to talk to a bunch of Top Name EECS Companies. I really want to work for Microsoft... or at least intern for them. But they hardly ever hire EE interns so my hopes were kind of diminished with that information. I did however apply to an internship here in Ann Arbor for the Plant Operations of the University. Should be pretty sweet if i get it. I'd get to stay here and it'd be sweet. :)
School is super difficult. I suppose taking 18 credits has really made this semester hard. But it will be worth it when I only have to take 12 my senior year. :) So i just have to make it thru this. EECS 401 is proving to be very very hard. Probability doesn't seem like it should be hard but for some reason it just doesn't click in my head. Other than that my classes are going well and i enjoy them.
I am going home for the first time on Oct 3rd. I'm excited cept I'll be home alone all weekend. I have to watch the dogs. :)
My 21st birthday was cool. Tony and I hung out the whole day. I got an iphone and my own cell phone contract. I am feeling more and more like an adult. :(
I suppose i don't have anything else to talk about.
I'll up date again when I'm stressed and need a break from my demanding homework.
-JRA
I swear every day is slower than the day before. I'm way excited to move back to Ann Arbor. I'm looking forward to my classes and my friends and of course the weekends!! :-P.
This year is gonna be cool. I'll have my own room and Olga and I are going to have a sweet apartment. I hope that I can focus more on my work and get a better gpa... i'm looking at like a 3.5 by the end of the year.(i can hope). I can't wait to spend time in the library reading books and doing homework. i can't wait to do math problems and feel accomplished. but most of all, I cannot wait to NOT work at McDonald's.
The place is killing me these last few days. Not only do we have no air we have heat! Isn't that amazing. Its 95 degrees out side and we have the heat on like its the dead of winter. I love life! Also the other day out power went out for about 3 hours. It sucked. I was on back cash and i had to take orders with pen and paper. Seriously. It was sad. People were pissed because all we had was chicken and fries... no burgers. I have never seen so many people disappointed because we couldn't serve them their soggy grease burger. Oh man!
I just can't wait to leave this summer its unbelievable. Honestly I don't remember wanting to be gone like this last summer. I really don't. I think last summer I was nervous to leave Tony again. I will hate not seeing him every day again, but I am ready this summer. I know that we are strong and able to make it through anything. He's got an even better job and he is planning? on moving to ann arbor or ypsi.
He was telling me the other day that Darrin and him are gonna apply to Detroit EMS. I will be so worried if he gets the job. i know that he will LOVE it, but Detroit is a dangerous city and his job will be even more dangerous than just being there. But I hope he gets it because I know that's what he would love. And I think that he and Darrin would have a lot of fun being room mates. :-P
so... thats my life. Pretty lame I know.
I am going to see Mama Mia with my mom and sister today. It should be fun. I think it will be a good movie, although I don't LOVE musicals, but whatever. And I think tonight Tony and I might go to the drive in to see a few movies, not sure which tho. And I need to go to Target so that i can look at new comforters. :)
good bye
Tony passed his EMT and got his state license, and now he is going to be working on the Ambulance. I am so proud of him and SO happy for him because he is doing what he wants and he is REALLY happy right now. He will be having so much more fun than he has while he is in dispatch and now he is planning on applying to HVA and other ambulance companies. So that's exciting. I am very very excited for him.
Tony is now going to be working 24 hours "every change [he] can get". That leaves me... at home, alone, and bored out of my mind. I have a feeling this is going to cause me to gain like 200 lbs. Being at home all the time alone with no one to cuddle with me before i go to sleep is going to be very very hard. I feel so selfish, but I actually cried when he told me he got his license and was going to work tonight. I wasn't crying because I was happy either, well maybe a little, but I was mostly crying because that leaves me alone after 7 pm, home alone and with nothing.
My friends are all doing their own thing. Becca is with Eric every chance she gets, Mal living in ann arbor, Steph's always gota work late and I'm pretty sure Jac is camping or out of town right now. I know i should be excited that I get some me time, but for the past few days I've been reallly needy toward Tony. Maybe that's why he's volunteering himself to work an ungodly amount of hours this week and next and the next. I don't know. I really should quit worrying about this.
I work a ton, and I work all the time when Tony has days off. He's gota stay here while I live in Ann Arbor. I really am the one that sorta just left him here and did what made me happy. I guess that's what he is doing and I am 100 percent supportive of what he does, I just hate being alone and I'm very selfish and a bad person because I don't want to left him go. Uggg... I miss him already and I doubt that I'll see him today.
Well I need to go get ready for my low class dead beat job. I''ll be there for seven hours. Its located in Swartz Creek, so If you want come kill me, rob the place.. I don't mind. At least then it wouldn't be so boring.
Later
-JRA
I think that I'm getting sick of summer. I don't like going to work day after day and watching the time where I could be doing whatever I want or sleeping go out the drive thru window. It sucks.
I had the day off today though. I felt so much better after i woke up this morning. After about 10 hours of sleep in my very comfortable bed, I feel like I could run a marathon and then probably go back to bed. lol. :)
I finally got the phone i ordered today in the mail. Its alright, sure was used, but whatever its nice and i guess for fifty bucks thats what i get.
I am going to A&W tonight with Tony for dinner. I'm excited, I haven't been there in a while. It is good and Tony and I haven't been out to Flushing in a while. Then tomorrow we both have the day off and we are going to go to Ann Arbor. Hopefullly.
I miss Ann Arbor so much. I miss being on my own and having the day to me. I miss going to class and coming back and doing homework. I miss all the people in Ann Arbor. I miss all of my commitments and all of the other things that I love to do there. I miss my much loved and missed weekend in Ann Arbor with Tony. I miss it.
I just want to go back.
Ann Arbor is this place where everything is practically perfect. When I am in Ann Arbor I feel free and in total control of my life. That's where I want to be all the time and it seems like being in Swartz Creek for the summer has made this more and more evident that I don't belong here. I don't feel like me when I'm here, and really all that is here is my family and Tony. I don't mind coming home to visit, but living here is not something that I can stand for very long.
I keep telling myself its only 3 more months. But three months is quite a long time. Its a long time when daily you have to go into McDonalds and work. Its a long time when all you can dream about is all the fun you've ever had in Ann Arbor. Its along time when you have to live with your parents and they won't let you have the freedom that you do when you are on your own. I guess I just have to keep my head above the surface and breathe. It will be over soon and I will be back in my home and back to doing my own thing.
I hope that this year is better than last year. I have to do better in all of my classes and I am taking quite the load this semester. 18 credits, 3 EECS classes, a 400 level math class and... sick, i don't know if I will be able to keep up with all of it, but I'm going to have to. Its scary.
I sorta feel old these days. I was down in Ann Arbor with my friends last night. We were planning on having an awesome night, but we just sat around and watched the rain. I feel like in the last like almost 2 years we've gotten so old. It also kind of hit me when we were in Cedar Point and our bodies hurt after every thrill ride we went on. I guess i'm not 16 anymore and I am not invinciable. I am just, well, getting old. I mean I'm only 20 years old so I'm not really old, but I'm feeling myself get older before I really want to even be older. Weird.
I have to go to McDonalds in a hour and a half... and I have to stay there for six hours. I don't know if i can do it. It makes me sort of want to puke. Its boring and hot. There is almost never working air in the building. I was informed the other day that our air conditioning system is controlled by a place outside of the store. Is that weird to you? Is your home air system controlled by some one else? Some place where you can't just go change it your self? Is it controlled by a place that never picks up its phone? yeah well Your house isn't called McDonalds and you are not a crazy person.
I am gonna go. good Bye.
My hair is a different color. I decided that I needed a change. It's very dark, but I really like it. I sorta want my hair to be like this forever. But I'm sure within a month or so I will want change again. I am never content with the way my hair is. That is one thing I really don't like about myself. I can't just be content with long hair that is natural in color. I always have to color it and cut it. Right now its really long but I really want to KEEP it long so I will not cut it this summer.
McDonald's is the WORST place on the face of the Earth. Not only is the food just BAD for you, most of time I find myself lyign to people on a daily basis. Today a lady came through the drive through and wanted an Nonfat iced vanilla coffee. Well I forgot to push the nonfat milk button and well... Oh well I didn't change it and I gave it to her. She says "Nonfat right?" and I answered "Yes, with vanilla flavoring. Have a good day." I didn't even think twice. Not more than 10 minutes later another person comes through and orders a decaf coffee, well I didn't have any made so I just gave them regular. O well maybe they will die because the caffeine will cause a heart attack or something. Should I feel bad because that would be my fault? I guess I should. But I have to keep drive through times down and I really didn't care what these people wanted. I only care that I get them in and out of the drive through with in the 90 second period that is alloted for each paying customer. Its pretty sad.
I think this is the number one reason why I hate McDonald's. Everything is centered around getting people in and out as fast as possible. I was watching/reading something on the internet that was talking about the inside of fast food restaurants and why they are uncomfortable, with loud coloring and hard plastic seats. They are done this way so that no one wants to stay. The less time people say the more people you can fit in in shorter amount of time. And in turn, the more money the company can make.
All the different rule books and training guides that I have ever seen in McDonald's have down to the millisecond time break downs of how long each step in the "user experience" things should take. Making a double cheese burger should only take 15.8 seconds. (That is of course with the meat premade and sitting in it's 15 minute 183.4 degree holding cabinet). I just don't understand why there isn't a little bit more emphasis about getting the food to the customer with a little bit more quality and hospitality. But would I really do this? No, I'd rather follow the rules of McDonalds, get things done fast and go home. As described above, I don't care about the product that I am serving the person. I don't. As long as I can keep drive through times under 100 seconds and get these people in and out here with a smile on both their and my face.
And I suppose that the people keep coming back because they like the quick service that we provide. I mean really, if someone doesn't get their food in like 23.9 seconds, they get pissed and want free stuff.
What is with America and getting their food free if its not EXACTLY what they want. I mean really you can't pick a single pickle off your cheeseburger? Alright if i screw up I will remake it for you, but I won't give you free stuff because of a silly little mistake. Sorry you couldn't wolf down your food in .9 seconds because you had to bring it back up here and show me the hair that fell off your head(i know because I have eyes and your hair is curly and the people in grill's isn't) and ask me to remake it, and "throw me some free cookies because that is just sick. Honestly. Get over it and just be happy with your sick fast food.
Oh and YES your fries are cold after 10 minutes of playing with your kid in the play place.
-JRA
So I believe that I can truthfully say that I have experienced everything there is to experience at a McDonald's Restaurant. I have faithfully worked at McDonalds for going on five years(off and on, summers home from college). So I've seen it all. I think today I just want to account on the bad things that go on inside that establishment and all the WONDERFUL people I have had the serve the mediocre food to.
I started working at McShitHole during my junior year of high school. I was very reluctant to take the job and I really had no desire to work in the food industry at all. But being 16 years old with no work experience made it a little difficult to find a job else where. So I sat down for my interview with the manager and was hired that day. I had an orientation, got a uniform and was informed that I would be starting my first day on Monday and I would work from 4 to 8.
I admit I was excited and really nervous my first day. My first day I did meat and wall and a boy named Matt was going to train me on "meat". I had no idea what to expect. So I walked with him and before I knew it he was gone and I was on my own to keep up with the demands of the never ending meat trays. The task wasn't hard, but it was hot and I was slow. But that four hour shift was over in a heart beat and I quickly headed home with all sorts of regrets. For hours I went over and over in my head the mistakes I made during my short first shirt.
Months passed and I soon made friends, wasn't shy and really had the hang of grill. I knew how to make like 10 sandwiches at once on my own in under two minutes. I could put meat and wall down like it was no one's business and I was fast. One day I decided that I was SICK of just coming in day after day and going straight the grill to work my long hot shift making people's food, so I asked if I could be trained on front counter. The managers unwillingly trained me and before I knew it again I was left alone, to figure it out on my own. I was nervous. Now not only was I having the demands of McDonald's policies and ways, I also had to please the customers that were giving me orders. I'll admit, my first day on counter was probably the worst day of my life.
Let me just say, the general public has no patiences for "new" people. Not only did they look at me funny while I was endlessly searching for the button to make a double cheese burger with every topping on it doubled/tripled and cut in half. I also kept hitting the wrong dollars amounts as they handed me 20 dollar bills and then grabbing change from their pockets. So i probably looked like a moron as it took me a good 10 minutes to count change back to these people. I really wanted to look at them and explain that I am not dumb... for that matter I'm pretty smart. I'm an all "a" student and I'm really good at math. But then I realized that they probably didnt' care and the only reason the are coming to McDonald's is because they are hungry, not to hear my sob story.
So a few more months go by and I am a PRO at everything McDonald's... well everything except Drive Through Order taking, or as its called in the McWorld, Back Cash. I come in one Saturday morning about about 11 o'clock and was given a head set and a cash drawer and told to push these buttons to store the order and take money from the other screen...... "WAIT>>> WHAT?" was all that went through my head as I was asking the person to repeat their order. I think I got yelled at by the public about 10 times that day. I can remember one guy saying "If you can't do the job get some one else to do it" I really wanted to say some foul words to him, but I bit my lip and told him to have a nice day. I wanted to cry by the end of my shift, but I knew it really wasn't my fault. I just felt like an idiot.
McDonald's then became this little place that was mine. I had my people there and even a few crushes. It was life. I loved my job because everyone loved me. I was a great employee and I would do pretty much anything asked of me. (I wouldn't clean puke and I wouldn't do anything that had to do with a public toilet) So it was great.
Senior year came and went with its many ups and downs. I had been accepted to Michigan Ann Arbor and knew in a few months I would have to quite my job. I was excited but my last day after my shift was over I went to my car and cried. I'm not really sure why I let the tears fall, but I was sad. I went home and didn't know what to do with myself. A few short days later I moved away from home and still didn't know what to do with myself.
I came home after my freshman year of college and walked into McDonald's and was happily greeted by all the familiar faces. I got my job back and everything went back to normal. This summer after my sophomore year of college I also got my job back. I didn't want to go back, but i felt as if i had no other options. This time I got my job back through the drive through.
Now that I'm back in that strange environment it's no longer the same. I don't like it anymore and I can hardly even stand going to work. Its mostly the customers. They are so rude and don't even care that we are dealing with their food. For all the know I could be spitting in their burgers and drinks. I always want to ask them "Does it make you feel better to belittle me because I work at McDonalds?" . Really honestly, Why is it okay to treat me like I'm the dumbest person that has ever walked this earth because I work at a fast food establishment? I really don't understand. And I wouldn't get in trouble for being rude to the customers, I would explain to them that I am going to school to become an electrical engineer... and I'll let them know that I'm more than likely 10 time smarter then they are and will one day hold a more prestigious job then them. And I will also be a better person because I will treat all fast food resturant employees with respect because I know how it feels.
Some people are really nice though. And I thank them for being that way. Just yesterday this lady was being SOOO rude to me because i was charging her for milk(sorry we don't just give away free milk because you bought coffee and we don't offer milk packets). The guy behind her starting say he was sorry for how she was treating me and just trying to help me out a little bit. Its people like him that we need more of in the world. I just don't understand why someone has to be so rude. What happened in their life that was sooooo bad that they had to come to McDonald's and take it out on me... I'm sure I had nothing to do with it.
So I suppose for the next few installments of this blog I will be complaining and just writing in general about McDonald's and all the Lovely people that grace the presence of my work day.
-JRA
PS. Thank you if your one of those people out there that can put up with a mistake and have a little patience.
Well, its has been about a month since I last updated you with my life. I've been done with school for about a week. Its strange being home in Swartz Creek with nothing to do. I don't really like it. I am going to go back to work so that will be alright. I'm not too excited to be working at McDonalds for the summer, but what can I do. Any other job that I could find around here in Flint would pay the same and probably give me less hours. And plus I'd have to learn something new and I wouldn't be for sure that everyone there loved me, so I almost don't see the point in getting a different job. McDonalds is so easy and that's why I'm pretty sure that I am going to go back.
I'm glad to be away from the complaints of my dorm room. Its really nice. Next semester when I go back it will be even nicer because she will have her own room and I can just shut the door when I need to be in there to get my stuff done. I think that I might get a job next semester to take care of some more of my time so that I don't have to be constantly subjecting myself to her and the ridiculous complaining and irrational arguments. I'm SOO excited.
But for the summer, I have to hang out with my family and hopefully get away a few times with Tony. Hopefully I'll see my friends a little more this summer than I did last summer. Tony is going to start working as an EMT and then he'll be working a ton more, so I will have a ton of time with out him, hopefully my friends will help fill that void. :-)
I guess I don't have much else to write about. I need to start doing something this summer to keep my busy and away from sitting around doing nothing. :-/ Whatever.
Will write later.
It's almost over. I have around 19 more days of school. I almost can't take it. This time of the year is the hardest by far. I have so much to do and no time to do it. Not only do I not have time, I also just don't have the drive to get my work done. That's the bad thing though. In turn for not doing my work at top quality I get not so top quality grades which in the long run will probably end up placing me in a "not so quality" engineering firm or something. Who knows.
These days I don't care much anymore. As long as I get a job that pays well and I don't have to worry constantly about money, I don't care. I don't really mind not inventing something super cutting edge or something that will change the world. My former self did. I wanted so bad to do something big, but I really don't see that its worth all the pain and suffering any more. To become that person that had a 4.0 and an awesome job, I would have to sacrifice everything. My friends, my family and my boyfriend. I know some people who are the perfect description of the 4.0 student. They have no friends, the stay up for days studying and doing homework and ... well lets face it, they have no life.
I guess I'm alright with the fact that instead of A's in all my classes I get B's. I suppose that is alright. I mean a B IS better than average, but most companies don't like to think so. I was always told that the world wants well rounded people. People that are no only smart but are able to get along with other. I have come to realize that is not so. If you have the grades, they don't care how you act, if you can talk, or really even what you do what your spare time. All they care is that you can get the work done for them, fast, cheap and efficiently. I guess I'm not cut out for that, but I'm sure out in the world someplace there is a company that wants someone like me. I suppose that it's just my task to seek it out.
-JRA
My brain is fried. Spring break starts tomorrow. Thank goodness. I still have a ton of stuff I have to get done over the next week so really i shouldn't be calling it a break and I should be that excited about it. But it will be nice however to have all the time during the days to get some work done and not have to worry about going to class and getting assignments done. I"m happy about that. Plus I"ll be home for a little while and that will be alright. I really need to find some employment for the summer, but it might be a little early in the semester.
I am pretty sure that I will not pass eecs280. I have no idea how to program and I feel like there is no explaination in class, which sucks. I feel like more than half of that class already knows how to program and so the teacher just expects that everyone else does too. i hate that class more than anything in the world. ug. and i have this huge monoploy project due pretty much the day i get back from spring break and that same week i have an exam in that class. Thank you 280 for ruining my spring break before it even started. whatever i have a week to get my ass in shape in that class pretty much.
Also i'd like to reorginize all of my notes for 216 and that that under control.
Ug its going to be a long break.
But i have to survive the rest of today(lab tonight) and tomorrow(campus day) with out killing anybody(including me). then i will be home and ready to get some major work done.
I will write later.
-jra
So another day of complaints about everything in the world. i don't know how much more of this can take. Everything is something to complain about. I really just want to look at her and say WHO CARES! The other day it was about a grade she got on a TECHNICAL writing paper; she started it off with hi. NO REASON to complain about a low grade on a tech paper when you start it out with hi. its supposed to be at least a little bit formal.
whatever I'm totally over the complaints. Its really bothering me. REALLY!
But I suppose I do my fair share of complaining, heck I'm doing it right now, but I don't feel the need as she does to express it to everyone vocally! Its driving me up the walls.
I'm in a rut right now about Engineering. Part of me wants it, the other part doesn't and test scores are proving to me that it is hard i need to study and putting off homework and procrastination does nothing. I hate this. I really have no drive for school right now and I'm so burnt out. All i really want is to get married and settle down. But i realize for that to at all be pleasurable I have to make it through college with some sort of degree, even if I'm the last in my class(which i doubt). I really just want these next two years of school to sort of fly by. And I need to find some technical work this summer. SUCK ASS
My life is looking less and less fun every day that I wake up.
Speaking of things to do.. I have quite the list going.
1. start/finish my 280 project.
2. understand my mistakes on 216 exam.(i suck!)
3. get my prelab(216) done and done well.
4. finish math homework.
5. have some me time.
6. hang out with sister and friend this weekend.
and i'm sure i could go on and on, but I don't want to because I don't want to realize just how much i really have to do.
well I will write again when the feeling calls.
jra
I'm getting so sick of her complaining every single day about stupid things that don't even matter. Today she came in and told me that there was a girl sitting in front of her that was on facebook "all class period" and that it really made her mad and stuff. And how "rude" it was.
I don't get it, why does that even bother her and if it does why does she always have to feel like she needs to tell me. I pretty much just threw it back in her face this time that it doesn't matter, that girl is here paying and she can do anything she wants. I told og that it shouldn't bother her and if its that big of a problem move some place else. the conversation just sort of ended there.
This has been happening a lot lately. She will just complain pretty much to complain. I swear that's all she does. And her excuse for just about everything is that eecs is so hard and "I have eecs ". Yeah its hard. But really is that an excuse for doing bad in another class? No. Not at all. Never once have i used the excuse that I have an couple hard Engineering classes that's why I'm doing bad in my german class or whatever(i'm doing far from bad in german actually). But its just so annoying.
UG. She needs a fricken journal or something and not me.
on a lighter note, classes are good and my life is alright. I was sick yesterday and last night and I'm still not feeling wonderful today, but I think i'm getting better. Being sick is the worst. I can't pay attention in class when I'm sick and on top of that all i want to do is sleep. so I dont get anything done. :( whatever.
... I dont' know what else to write about in this new blog.
Its for me. No one knows about it and I doubt anyone will ever read this.(if you do please let me know). I have always wanted to write for someone, but just a few weeks ago I realize that I really want to write for myself. I need someplace where I can go and just complain and write my feelings. Its really nice because I know no one will ever hear it and I don't have to annoy people with my daily complaints. So here it is.
-JRA
