Hi, I'm feeling sick. I haven't felt good all day. I slept a lot today too. I don't really know what's wrong, but I have a horrid headache that won't go away ever. I've even taken meds, which is something I rarely do because they make me feel even worse most of the time. I just want to feel better.
I had to give a tour today. It was alright. I really didn't feel like doing it, but the people seemed to really like it so I guess I did alright. Not my best work by far. I sometimes just really get sick of talking. And I really hate talking about departments that are not EECS. That's sad!! :( But whatever, it came and went.
Wednesday and Thursday were nice. Tony was down and we got to hang out together. Lately I have been feeling kind of down about our relationship. I know I go through these stages of how I feel Tony feels about me and in reality he always feels the same, but I just feel down. I have been feeling lately like he's bored. That he just gets completely annoyed with being with me. And he's been doing a lot that points to that. For instance, he will honestly take any shift he can that would fall on a day when we could have a decent time together. He "traded" schedules with someone so that he could work Friday nights. He used to have Friday, Saturday and Sunday off and we'd have so much fun, but then he thought that would be a good idea to do that. Also he works every other Saturday, so he's pretty much taken up the weekends so he doesn't have to have any part of me. These past few weeks he's been coming down during the week. My weekday's are pretty busy. So during the time he's down here I have to get up early and do a lot during the day and usually I want to go to bed early cause I'm exhausted and need to get up again the next day. So since he's down here on the weekdays, he can really minimize the amount of actual time he has to spend with me. Also since he's down here during the week, that's a wonderful excuse to not come down on the weekend since he's "already come down this week". I just feel horrid. I don't know why or what I've done to push him away so much.
Lately I've just been really holding back. Like last week I hardly called him at all because I felt like the weekend before I had pissed him off or something by asking him to bring me back to Ann Arbor(??). So that only drove him nuts on the days that he'd come down in the first place. He had "other stuff to do" also. It just really really really hurts my feelings. I am so lost and I have no one to turn to. I am scared.
-JRA
So I've had an incredibly busy week. I honestly didn't have any down time to just think. Monday was busy, I had class, gave a tour, and also had to do some web design work for the Office of Student Affairs. Pretty easy. Tuesday was a bunch of work in the Lab and then I had to work at Lurie for a few hours. I had class again at 6 until 8. Went back to the apt and did studying for my exam that took place Wednesday morning. After my exam I worked on website design and then went and gave a tour. Thursday I got up, had class, then had to give 2 tours back to back to a few groups visiting from Detroit. I was extremely tired after that, but I had class again from 6 to 8. After that class I came home, took a shower and collapsed in bed. Today wasn't nearly as busy, but I still had to get up early and work. 9 to 12 did the website stuff, 12 to 3:30 did office work and touring, and then went over to the lab to get some stuff situated for our presentation on Monday. BLAH. After that I came home and realized that my apartment had really taken a beating from me being "gone" from it all week, so I did all the dishes, cleaned up everything that was out of place and got my stuff together to go back to Swartz Creek for the puppies final weekend there. I'm gonna miss them.
Now I'm home researching different websites and peoples blogs for great decoration ideas as well as the starting ideas for my wedding. Since we haven't really set a date in stone it doesn't feel like its ever gonna come, but next summer will be here very quickly. AHHH. Its cool I've found some pretty cool stuff. I will try to post things as I find them and what not, but right now I don't really feel like uploading all these idea's I've found, so I'll do it later.
This weekend I really really want to take a bunch of pictures. I have no excuse. Tomorrow I have an entire day to ME. I do not have to think about school and I can do whatever I want. So pictures will be taken and I hope to get some of them up here before the weekend is over and I have no time to post them.
I think I am going to go get ready for bed. I'm SOOOO excited to sleep in past 8 tomorrow morning. Its gonna be awesome.
I really miss Tony this week and tonight. Can't wait till Sunday to see him!!
-JRA
I got home at about 9:45 last night. The puppies aren't really puppies any more, they are little dogs. So cute. They play and bark and are just a ton of fun... and work. I love them, but I'm very excited for them to go home to their "forever homes" as my mom says. :) I'm glad that my parents are keeping one of them because other wise I'd really miss them when they go home, but we get to keep one.
I have no plans for today and it feels great. I'm sure I'll hang out with Tony tonight and we'll have a good time. But as of right now I don't have to do anything. I love not doing anything. And tomorrow I have a pretty full day. I have to do the whole wedding shower thing. I came home to go to the party as a guest, but since my mom is the one putting it on, I have to help out the whole time. Sick. But whatever.
I am going to start planning my wedding soon. I know we haven't really set a date, but I'm sure we will soon. I can't wait for all the excitement of my wedding. I am nervous too. I know this is bad, but I've decided NOT to have all my friends in my wedding party. There is just too many of them. So I'm only going to have my sisters and Tony's sister. I hope my friends don't hate me for the rest of my life. I think that they will understand. So I'm going to start soon. Can't wait.
Well I don't really have much else to write about. I think I'm going to take some pictures of the pups later, and maybe outside if the weather gets nicer(its SUPER cold out). I'll post later.
-JRA
I am working the front desk in Lurie right now. Like always. I've been here since 12 and its been a LONG day. Almost all of the offices on North Campus are closed today for a staff retreat so nothing has really happened. There were a few calls and a few people asking for directions and such but definitely a very very slow day.
So I've been extremely bored. I'm actually pretty surprised that I haven't updated sooner. haha, be glad I suppose.
Tonight I'm going home to hang out and see the puppies. My dad is coming down to get me at like 8:30 so I have a little down time to get my apartment cleaned up and stuff. I'm also going home this weekend because my cousins wedding shower is on Sunday and I think that my mom would die if I didn't go. Plus I don't want to be the loser of the family that didn't go to the wedding shower, especially since I'm going to be having on next year. OMG!
I'm so excited to get married, but I think Tony is getting a little apprehensive. I don't really know why because its like a year away. I guess its because I am annoying. That's what I've decided. I am too needy toward him and I am going to stop. No longer will I expect him to come down or hang out with me. He will on his own time. I have other things to fill my voided time with anyway. :( I guess.
These past two days were good though because we had been fighting over the weekend. So we decided we were sorry for whatever we had been fighting about and then had a good mid-week. :) He's cute.
Now its gonna be the weekend. I'm happy for that. Next week is going to be the longest week on the face of the earth. I start my new web site job, I work every day for touring, and I have to get together with a group to do a presentation for my Soc class. SICK and I think I have an exam in my Anthro class. I really wish I would not have taken summer classes. Or at least not taken these summer classes.
Well I am gonna get going, my shift is out in 5 minutes!! woot
Well summer classes have started. They are very boring. Neither of them have homework so I don't really have much to do. I guess that's cool, but really its nice to have something to keep me on track. I have work and research and I also got a new job doing some data entry/web design to do for this month. (only about 20 hours worth of work). But other than that I've found myself just hanging out and being bored out of my mind.
I'm home right now because Tony's working a 48 this weekend and wasn't going to be able to come down to a2 this weekend and I didn't want to just sit around by myself and do NOTHING, so I decided to come home. I don't know if coming home was any better though because I'm super bored now. I don't really have much to do. I guess I COULD have tired to get a hold of some people here in flint, but that's a lot of work and I'm too lazy. haha. I'm so lame.
I don't really know what to do with myself. I keep thinking of stuff i could do, but then it feels boring. I don't know what's wrong with me these days. Maybe I'm depressed or something, but I don't really feel sad. I just feel extremely bored and just feel like I never have anything to do. I don't know.
Maybe tomorrow will be better. Tony doesn't have to work, but I know he's going to want to sleep all day because he's been working for the last 2 days straight. I know I have to let him sleep, but I really want to see him. I hate living like this. I am so jealous of people who just have an easy life together and don't have to just HOPE they get to see their fiance. I just wish we could LIVE together. I know we are sort of living together, but its so irregular and weird that we can never get any type of pattern going and it always feels like he's just visiting when he's there. I just want it to feel like we are actually living together.
I think its him that doesn't want to do that. I really think he's nervous and doesn't want to completely commit to living with me. I wish I knew why because I'm totally ready to just live with him... It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong, or that he doesn't really want to even be with me because he doesn't want to live with me. I would honestly give anything for Tony to just straight out live with me. It really frustrates me.
Well I am gonna go do something.. I don't even know what... probably go to sleep.
Later
-JRA
