Post Grad

Hi, I'm feeling sick. I haven't felt good all day. I slept a lot today too. I don't really know what's wrong, but I have a horrid headache that won't go away ever. I've even taken meds, which is something I rarely do because they make me feel even worse most of the time. I just want to feel better.

I had to give a tour today. It was alright. I really didn't feel like doing it, but the people seemed to really like it so I guess I did alright. Not my best work by far. I sometimes just really get sick of talking. And I really hate talking about departments that are not EECS. That's sad!! :( But whatever, it came and went.

Wednesday and Thursday were nice. Tony was down and we got to hang out together. Lately I have been feeling kind of down about our relationship. I know I go through these stages of how I feel Tony feels about me and in reality he always feels the same, but I just feel down. I have been feeling lately like he's bored. That he just gets completely annoyed with being with me. And he's been doing a lot that points to that. For instance, he will honestly take any shift he can that would fall on a day when we could have a decent time together. He "traded" schedules with someone so that he could work Friday nights. He used to have Friday, Saturday and Sunday off and we'd have so much fun, but then he thought that would be a good idea to do that. Also he works every other Saturday, so he's pretty much taken up the weekends so he doesn't have to have any part of me. These past few weeks he's been coming down during the week. My weekday's are pretty busy. So during the time he's down here I have to get up early and do a lot during the day and usually I want to go to bed early cause I'm exhausted and need to get up again the next day. So since he's down here on the weekdays, he can really minimize the amount of actual time he has to spend with me. Also since he's down here during the week, that's a wonderful excuse to not come down on the weekend since he's "already come down this week". I just feel horrid. I don't know why or what I've done to push him away so much.

Lately I've just been really holding back. Like last week I hardly called him at all because I felt like the weekend before I had pissed him off or something by asking him to bring me back to Ann Arbor(??). So that only drove him nuts on the days that he'd come down in the first place. He had "other stuff to do" also. It just really really really hurts my feelings. I am so lost and I have no one to turn to. I am scared.

-JRA