Ann Arbor got so much snow yesterday! It's so pretty! I really do love the snow and I don't know how I'd live in a place that gets no snow. I honestly think that I would miss it. I really enjoy the seasons so that is why I am desperately looking for a job in Michigan. I don't want to move. I'm too much of a homebody. I mean I would LOVE to travel, but I like to come home, and home to me is Michigan. I would, however, really enjoy living on a Michigan coast, or near a lake. I love the water and there is NOTHING that can compare to a Michigan summer on the Lake.
That's what I want out of my life. To get a job that will be able to provide me with a Michigan summer on a lake. That would be perfect. That's what I'm looking for.
School is becoming more and more of a challenge. Not intellectually, just physically. I hate going, it's hard to get up in the morning and I've having trouble paying attention. AH! I have senioristis and I haven't had this feeling since my senior year of high school. It's so weird and I really don't like it.
Spring Break starts in 3 days. I can't wait! I can't wait to go home and see the puppies and I'm in general excited to hang out in Flint-town for a few days. I'm sure it will get old and I will want to be back in Ann Arbor. That always happens. I should probably try to find a job in Ann Arbor, since I love it so much.
When I think about it, however, I think it's not so much Ann Arbor that I like, its more of just my independence that I like. I believe that I would be happy pretty much anywhere that I have my own place, even if that was like Swartz Creek. (MAYBE?) I am just feeling so weird about what is going to happen to me after graduation. I don't know what it's going to be like and that scares me to death. After I graduated from high school I knew exactly where I was going. But now that I have no idea, I'm scared.
I am going to read my digital integrated circuits book since I have an exam this week.
-JRA.
Not much has changed. I am still working away at homework and watching too much TV. So life has been slow, but extremely fast at the same time (if that is at all logical?)
I have been just preparing myself for spring break and going home for a week and having puppies to take care of. I'm excited for it, but I know it's going to be WORK!
So I know that after a week I will be back in lovely Ann Arbor and my life will be back to being my own. But what scares me is in a less than 2 months after I return from spring break I will have to be back home (unless I get a job and it starts like the day after I graduate and I can find an apartment in that time,,, so yeah doubtful). I'm sort of nervous about being back home to live for a while. It is going to be strange. I haven't lived at home for more than 2 years and all of a sudden I will be thrown back into that place where that holds so many memories and feel so distant yet close all at the same time. Weird.
I guess I've just been thinking about the little things that I will no longer be able to do when I get home. For starters I have this really really bad habit. And it's probably gross so please don't judge me. Anyway, I always have to have some sort of fruit juice in my fridge at all times. I don't really have any preferences, it just has to be REAL juice, not like sugary crap. So having juice at my parents house will not be the problem, it's how I consume the juice that will. I don't remember the last time I've actually poured myself a glass of juice. I drink it directly out of the container so I don't have to dirty dishes and then have more to clean. Plus since I'm the only one drinking the juice, why does it matter if I use a glass... haha.
So yeah I'm gross, but this is going to be a tough habit to break. I know when I am home on breaks and things it's a very hard habit to hold back. I suppose it will be a good time to get over this horrible habit I've acquired over these last 2 years.
I guess going home will be nice, but it will be weird. I'm still hoping that I hear something from one of the numerous companies I've sent my resume to. I'm not really sure what I am doing wrong. I went to the Career center and had my resume critiqued. They had a few minor changes that I could make but that was about it. I made those changes and I still haven't heard anything. So either those people at the career center have no idea what they are taking about (which I doubt, they specialize in ENGINEERING Career advising) or people just DON'T like me. I don't know. Almost every position that I have seen has had experience requirements. I have no industry experience. All I have is research experience and any class projects that I've done as hands on experience. I don't know what to do and it's really getting close to graduation.
I am going to go drink some juice! :)
-JRA
I've been feeling a lot better these days. But of course that is probably because I've been mostly a homebody and haven't ridden in a car for an extended amount of time. And when I start to feel anxiety coming on I have the power to stop it. But it's really a vicious cycle. Once I start to think about it not being there it shows up and when it shows up I try my hardest to pretend it's not there, and do something else with my mind. And then I start to think if it's there or not.. OMG CRAZY.... I haven't really thought about it all day today and today was GREAT! I think this might be getting better.
However I've come across a new problem. Insomnia. I honestly couldn't sleep if my life depended on it right now. I'm not sure what's keeping me up (other than my homework). Right now I have everything for tomorrow done and it's 2 am and I don't even feel like going to bed. 8 am is going to come VERY fast however. And then tomorrow is going to be a LONG day. I just can't win.
Life is good right now though. I got an email today from the EECS advising office (my old boss Catie works there now so it was from her, made me smile). The email told me that I have all my requirements in and I am allowed to graduate this term. I really thought that I would be super excited for this moment, I mean looking back at how I used to feel about graduation. However, it wasn't as exciting or happy as I had predicted and anticipated, it was actually scary. I didn't really know how to take the news. I KNEW they were going to tell me that, but some part of me never really wants to leave Michigan.
This is home. This is where I grew so much intellectually. I never thought I was going to be this smart(I honestly thought in my Sr. Yr of HS that I WAS AS SMART AS I COULD EVER BE..... how could I have been so STUPID!). And then again I never thought I could be this dumb either. I'm in a happy place right now. I feel confident about the education I have been receiving and confident about my skills as an engineer. However I am so scared to go out and use them because it's not in my comfort zone right now.
I guess times progresses no matter what. Time is certain when EVERY SINGLE thing in my life is not. I suppose I wouldn't want it any other way. However staying here a few more years wouldn't make me sad at all. Well i suppose taking classes would make me sad... I'm kind of burnt out on that. I guess graduation and moving forward is what I need.
So in conclusion, I'm excited to graduation. I'm excited to move on with my life. I'm scared to death too. I will miss Michigan and my beloved Ann Arbor more than I have ever thought that I was going to. I will miss my friends and my engineering buddies who I've spent countless hours complaining with and countless hours learning with. I will miss my instructors who are honestly the smartest people I have ever been around. I really can't think of something that I won't miss. So right now is a very, very, bittersweet time for me.
I'm pretty sure that's why I can't sleep. I don't want to miss any bit of this time I have left....
-JRA.
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