Post Grad

I honestly do not know what I want to do with my life right now. Part of me wants a job, part of me wants to go to grad school, and yet another part wants to be come a web designer. I'm not sure if I could get into the grad program that I want to do, could probably do CS, but I don't know if i wanna be a CS person. If I become a web designer then I feel like I waisted the last for years (and not to mention a shit ton of money) earning a degree that isn't helping me in the least. I could have just became a web developer right out of High school. And getting a "real" job, well that isn't going so well.

I just feel like such a waste. I know that I'm not alone. Barley anyone I know that is graduating this semester has a job. So it's not like I'm the only person that has no job. But I just feel like by now I should have gotten at least ONE offer. I have nothing. I understand the economy is bad, but it just seems like there has to be some sort of job out there. I guess I'm just not looking hard enough. I'm also quite hard on myself about not having a job. I keep losing confidence in myself and it's making the job search process even worse. It's just very discouraging applying for 30 different positions a week and hearing nothing. What is wrong with me?

I have to move home after college. There is really no other option. Tony doesn't make enough money to support both of us. I make no money and really soon I'm going to have to start paying back all my student loans.... I am just so stressed.

I don't know what I want either. It just makes me ill thinking about the future right now. College has been so easy. I know that each semester I will start classes, I will stay up late doing homework, and I will be consumed with all the activities and projects that college has supplied me. Now I'm graduating, I have no plans other than moving home, and I just feel so lost. I have NEVER in my life been so unsure of my future. I've always had a plan, and now I'm just here and soon I'll be there, I just have no clue where there is, and that scares me more than anything.

I suppose in the end, looking back, this situation will have made me a LOT stronger. I will have went through this rough spot in my life and I will have made it. Made it to what, I have no idea. But I do know that if I can pull myself through all of this confusing, I will be able to look back and feel better about this situation. Right now, however, it's tough and I'm scared.