Post Grad

Of course I can't sleep tonight. Tomorrow I actually have to be up in the morning so of course tonight is the night that sleep will NEVER find me.

I think I have a problem. I haven't slept in like 3 days... I can't figure out what I want in life and I feel like I'm going to puke.

Possibly this is all happening because life is moving too fast and I'm moving too slow. I sit around waiting for something, no idea what I'm waiting for, but I am. I feel like a slob because I do nothing. My parents leave for work like 20 minutes after I finally turn in for the night, and I wake up minutes before they come home pretending that I've been up all day doing something. I sort of feel like they see through that. It's probably just my guilty concise.

I'm just confused. I feel like my life is splitting. I guess splitting is the best word to describe it. I am desperately missing Ann Arbor. I miss my friends and I miss engineering. But then part of me is longing for my "old" friends and waiting to fit in here in Flint. Become one of "those" people who think Flint is alright and has tons of friends and fun here. I honestly don't feel like I belong anywhere right now. All my "old" friends have new friends. All of my friends have moved to every corner of the United States and I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that probably will never see some of them again.

I really just want to feel content and not like everyone is looking at me and thinking the same thing. I feel like everyone is thinking... gosh what waste. Went to 4 years of college, got a decent degree and now nothing. I know it's ONLY been a month.. a MONTH is forever in my life. I should have had something lined up for me, but I didn't because ... well I really don't know why. I don't know what's so wrong with me that I can't find a decent job.


Please tell me what to do with my life, I have run out of answers.