Of course I can't sleep tonight. Tomorrow I actually have to be up in the morning so of course tonight is the night that sleep will NEVER find me.
I think I have a problem. I haven't slept in like 3 days... I can't figure out what I want in life and I feel like I'm going to puke.
Possibly this is all happening because life is moving too fast and I'm moving too slow. I sit around waiting for something, no idea what I'm waiting for, but I am. I feel like a slob because I do nothing. My parents leave for work like 20 minutes after I finally turn in for the night, and I wake up minutes before they come home pretending that I've been up all day doing something. I sort of feel like they see through that. It's probably just my guilty concise.
I'm just confused. I feel like my life is splitting. I guess splitting is the best word to describe it. I am desperately missing Ann Arbor. I miss my friends and I miss engineering. But then part of me is longing for my "old" friends and waiting to fit in here in Flint. Become one of "those" people who think Flint is alright and has tons of friends and fun here. I honestly don't feel like I belong anywhere right now. All my "old" friends have new friends. All of my friends have moved to every corner of the United States and I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that probably will never see some of them again.
I really just want to feel content and not like everyone is looking at me and thinking the same thing. I feel like everyone is thinking... gosh what waste. Went to 4 years of college, got a decent degree and now nothing. I know it's ONLY been a month.. a MONTH is forever in my life. I should have had something lined up for me, but I didn't because ... well I really don't know why. I don't know what's so wrong with me that I can't find a decent job.
Please tell me what to do with my life, I have run out of answers.
Well I am still waiting on some news from TRAM. They told me 2 weeks, but I was really hoping to hear sooner. I guess I will just keep on waiting.
I don't want to get my hopes up because if I don't get the job, it will just make it harder to keep the job search going without feeling totally discouraged. But then again I do want to be hopeful and excited about it because I do have a chance at getting the job. Getting the job would just be perfect right now. Tony and I could move back to Ann Arbor and we could get started on the life we want to spend together.
On Friday Tony has his formal interview with Flint Fire Department. I am PRAYING that he gets this job (maybe even a little more than I am praying that I get my job). He told me last night that if he gets the job then "We should start planning out wedding." It was so cute. I love him and I'm super excited for our wedding (even though it's more than a year away).
Right now I am hanging out at home waiting for the Comcast person to get here to service the cable DVR box. It doesn't work. Sad day. This person was supposed to be here at 12... it's going on one and they still aren't here. I guess I don't really have any reason to complain because I doubt that I would have been doing anything else today... Such is life.
No plans for tonight... I really want to start on a blog template for this blog... or maybe a new one.. haven't decided if I want to close this chapter yet; I still feel like I belong in the "college student blog" that I've made these past few years. Perhaps if I get the job then I will start a new "real world Jordan" blog. I have no idea.
Well that is it for now.
-JRA
Oh, if you read this, please follow my blog.. I feel lonely out here in blog world.
I feel like summer if officially here. I think that Memorial Day has always signified summer to me, that and Home Town Days. Home Town Days is next weekend and I can already feel the Swartz Creek High School Class of 06 Reunion that will go on next weekend! HaHa. As much as I say that I will hate it, I am looking forward to it a little.
My weekend was nice. It was hot all weekend. Tony had the whole weekend off. We watched a lot of movies, ate ice cream, laughed and rode around on my grandma's golf cart. SUMMER!
I should update you with the happenings of my life since graduation I suppose. Nothing had really happened. Just went out with my friends quite a few times, spent time with Tony, programmed, attempted to start a blog template, and played the Sims 3. Soooo not productive. In the middle of all this I have applied for about 019383810 jobs.
Surprisingly one day after shopping at Target (well actually just wandering around at Target) I got a phone call from a recruiter at TRAM, Inc. I called them back and he set up a phone interview for me the next day. Phone interviews make me ill.
Anyway I had the phone interview and things seemed like they went nicely. He told me he'd get back to me within the next week. So a week goes by and nothing. Then 2 days after a week I get another phone call from them. The HR person asks me if I would be available for a face to face interview the next day at 3 pm. Of course I accepted.
Next day I drive myself down to Plymouth, MI and have a face to face interview with 4 people. It seemed like it went well, however I haven't heard anything. The HR person said that he would get back with me either way in a week to 2 weeks. Tomorrow it will have been a week. Anticipation is killing me. I really do want the job, but I don't want to get my hopes up like I have so many times before, so I'm just sort of trying to keep it out of my mind. It's crazy.
If I do end up getting the job(fingers crossed) Tony and I are going to move back down to Ann Arbor. It all just seems too perfect and that's why I'm worried about it. I mean to move back to Ann Arbor would be my dream. I love that city more than I ever thought I would and I would LOVE to live there. I intend to, but I never imagined that it would be so sudden. (PRAYING it will be sudden).
Over all though, life has been very relaxing. I really am enjoying my summer and it's not turning out as "horrid" as I thought moving home would be. The only weird part is I feel as if I have jumped back to like 10th grade. So weird.
-JRA
